Divorce is Final

My Profile

Margaret

Mood:

optimistic

Status:

Divorced & taking a sabbatical

Updated:

Sunday, Jan. 11 - 07:52 PM

Location: North Side (Indy/Carmel)

City Indianapolis

State IN

Age 46

How I found out about the Peppers! I was simply looking to find an online support group for divorced women, and did a search. The SSP web site came up, and I knew immediately that this was what I was looking for!!

Pepper'hood Groups That I Belong To Indianapolis, and the Indy North Quad

Activities That I Enjoy Birdwatching, cooking, reading, traveling, photography.

Hobbies birdwatching and photography

Favorite Places That I Have Traveled Australia, Italy, Turkey, Mexico City

A Moment In My Life That Took My Breath Away (aside from birth of child) This past January I spent the month performing in Mexico City. One day, we went to EL Rosario--the place where the Monarch butterflies go to every winter to over-winter. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of literally millions of butterflies, hanging from the trees at the top of this mountain. You could even hear the beating of their wings. And to think, these were the same butterflies, that had left our backyards here in the fall and survived the trip all the way to Mexico. It was truly one of the most humbling experiences of my life.

Type Of Work That I Do Professional Violinist

What Is One POSITIVE Thing That Came Out of Your Marriage? I learned how to finally stand up for myself, and to take care of myself.

I Am Currently Taking sabbatical

My Blog

Little decisions

Monday, October 27, 2008, 12:01 AM [General]

I had an unusual 3 days off this weekend. Hardly EVER happens. I had all of these grand plans of what I was going to do. Things around my apartment (which actually got done), and I was going to go see a movie, and then I was going to take myself out for a really nice dinner. None of the above happened. I find it so difficult these days to make the really little, mundane decisions--like what movie to see, or which showtime to choose. Or which restaurant to go to--and my inability to make these little decisions results in me not making them at all. So, this weekend, I didn't go to a movie, and I didn't take myself out for a nice dinner...what's that all about?

I guess, I just have to be patient with myself. But for 3 years, I dreamed of the kind of freedom to be me, and do what I want to do, without feeling guilty--and now that I have the freedom, I don't do anything.

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this sort of thing...I know in my heart, it will all get better with time. But I just expect myself to be at the finish line from the start, I guess. Part of it, I suppose, is that I don't think I'm allowed to enjoy myself yet...does that make sense? I just feel badly that I sort of wasted a perfectly good weekend on being indecisive. I guess it wasn't a total waste--I'm getting used to being with myself. AND I met Cindy at the Cracker Barrel at breakfast this morning--another new friend. Now that's worth the whole weekend!! Thanks for listening...

Margaret

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Divorce is Final

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 1:57 AM [General]

Well, my divorce was final on Saturday, October 17th. It feels really quite surreal. My ex and I took care of the final settlement details yesterday--it went better than I anticipated. I feel a certain calm and serenity now. Also great sadness. It feels like my ex has leveled out a bit too, now that it's official. I still feel some guilt for taking care of myself--I hope that lessens with time. I know it was the right thing to do--but I still feel guilty. Why is that?

But all in all, life feels pretty darned good right now. I have a sense of myself rising up again, after a deep, deep sleep. And that feels good.

Hope to see you all very soon! Thanks for simply being there...

Margaret